10 Easy Steps
by Creature of Shadow
Summary: Souta had always had a good relationship with his sister, until she started dating the toilet traitor Inuyasha. Follow him on his harrowing journey as he and a nefarious youkai studmuffin fight to eliminate the villainous hanyou from his sisters heart forever, restoring proper order to their worlds. Remember, believe EVERYTHING you read on the internet. Brought to you by QW and CoS
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** coming to you live (sort of) from the maniacal minds of Shadow and Whisper, we now present to you...-drumroll- 10 Easy Steps! This plunny has plagued myself and Quiet Whisper for well over two years, so we decided to start posting it. (Yes this is a collab between me and her, so give her props and go read Death's New Mistress if you haven't already. Please and thank you. XD) Anywho, I hope you enjoy the hilarity that is about to ensue!

 **P.S.** The prologue is in first person POV but after that, only the beginning or the end of a chapter will be in first person POV (italics), the rest of the time it will be in third person POV so don't give up on it before you start! **It's also in Souta's POV! Very important to know this. Sess/Kag, as told by Souta.**

 **Disclaimer:** As always, Quiet Whisper and myself own nothing pertaining to the Inuyasha verse, nor do we own the various snippets of worldy wisdom garnered from the ever reliable interwebz, mainly stated in the beginning of each chapter.

 **Prologue: It Begins**

 **-Relationships are like yard sales, they look really fun from a couple hundred yards away, but then you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.-**

"My name is Souta Higurashi, Master Puppet… Master, evil genius, and defender of my sister's heart. Oh yeah, I guess I should also tell you that I'm one desperate boy who needs his sisters affection.

My sister's name is Kagome and she just started her first year of college. I knew it was going to make things harder for her to spend time with me, but a few weeks after she started, I discovered that the situation was much worse than had I thought. It all started out one sunny day, the leaves were beginning to turn their colors, and I was impatiently waiting for Kagome to come home so I could show her the A+ I got on my science project.

But the moment she walked through the door, all dazed and grinning like she'd just won the lottery, I felt the first shiver of fear run down my spine. Desperately, I tried calling out to her. All she said was 'Not now Souta', and I knew for sure, the Winds of Change were beginning to blow. Kind of like a fart, in crop dusting form."

"Souta what are you doing under there?" Mrs. Higurashi asked as she stepped into the room.

The boy straightened while yanking his blankets off his head to peer at her. "Nothing mom, I'm just finishing up my homework before I go to bed."

"Alright." She said dubiously, before wrinkling her nose and waving a hand in front of her face. "Oh Souta, what is that smell?"

"Uh… the winds of change?" He hazarded.

"What?" She asked curiously.

"Uh I mean I uh… left some food in here." He said quickly. "Yeah… food. And I took care of it already."

Mrs. Higurashi eyed her son a moment before doing her best to stifle a smile. "Alright, just make sure you don't do it again. And there are extra air freshener's in the bathroom if you need one."

"Okay mom, now would you go away? I have to get this done." He huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Lights out in ten minutes young man, I mean it." She warned before leaving.

Once the door was closed, Souta yanked his blankets back over his head, reforming his makeshift tent… err lair. With that he picked up his flashlight and journal, then quickly began writing again.

"Sorry about that, my mom came in and I had to get her out of here before she could catch onto what I'm really doing. Anyway where was I?

Oh yeah, so my sis was acting all weird that day she came home, and it kept on for awhile until I finally asked my mom what the deal was.  
She told me it was young love, and if I'd been younger I probably wouldn't have known what that meant. But you see, I'm twelve years old now and a lot smarter than half the kids in my class. Though, even being as smart as I am, I wasn't quite sure how to go about trying to get my sister back to the way she was. It took me a couple more days before I decided that I needed to meet this boyfriend.

Since Kagome started dating Inuyasha, she wasn't home as much, so I had to bide my time until she finally came back. As soon as she was through the door, I pounced like a ninja and asked her if I could meet him. I mean I'm her little brother so it would only make sense for me to meet the guy, just to make sure he was good enough for her.

Kagome tried to say no, but I made sure to ask it loud enough so mom would hear. Because of that, mom made her take me with to the movie Inuyasha was going to take her to that night. It was some dumb chick flick called Twilight and I get the feeling Inuyasha only agreed to go because he was trying to impress my sister.

The dude seemed alright when I first met him, though the ears on his head were kind of strange. Kagome warned me not to say anything about them before I met him because he was a hanyou and kind of touchy about it. I guess I have to admit I thought that was kind of cool, but I was cool myself and a guy never compliments another guy.

Anyway the movie was weird and after it was done, I accidentally asked how a guy could compete against a dude like Edward Cullen. That was when Inuyasha messed up my hairdo and said all I needed to do was pour a bucket of glitter on myself and stand in the sun.  
I thought that over a couple days before I decided I'd give it a try, just to see if he was right or not. I mean he got Kagome as his girlfriend so I thought the dude knew what he was talking about. Turned out I was wrong, and the only thing the girls did was make fun of me."

Souta slanted the flashlight away to shroud his eyes in darkness while growling softly, the dramatics of the gesture instantly thrilling him. After a moment, he picked up his pen and started writing once more.

"I looked like the love child of an Easter egg and Tinkerbelle, and despite it being cool on Twilight, girls really don't dig it in real life. Anyway after that, I decided the chump needed to go. I mean if he could be mean to me, then chances were he was going to end up being mean to my sister somewhere along the line. It took longer than I wanted it to, but I've finally found a way to get rid of Inuyasha for good. And hopefully, I'll get my sister back in the end."

Deciding he'd written enough for the moment, Souta shut his journal and set it aside before picking up the book he'd found in the library just that afternoon. The cover was white with big black letters that read:

 **'How to Get Rid of Your Sister's Jerk of a Boyfriend in Ten Easy Steps. Written by: Quiet Whisper and Creature of Shadow.'**

He assumed the two names were pen-names, but wasn't to worried about it. They could be the most horrendously evil, peanut-butter smearing, smut peddling, vicious beasties in demondom. But so long as the book helped him get rid of the douchey hanyou his sister was dating, that was all he cared about.

He ran his hand over the cover and couldn't help but cackle maniacally. Unfortunately he was forced to cut it off as his mother yelled for him to go to bed. He winced then quickly tucked the book away before doing as told.

What a world we live in… when an evil genius has a bedtime.

Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Ok so this is all we're going to be posting until next week or the week after, we have a lot of the chapters written but real life got in the way of us finishing and editing it all the way, so bear with us and I promise you won't be disappointed. Once again, thank you for reading and we hope you enjoy!

 **Chapter One: Know Thy Enemy-** This will be the best way for you to discern just what it is he doesn't like. At the same time, make him get used to you so he won't grow suspicious of you and your plans.

 **-Social protocol: The How to Be a Criminal Mastermind for Dummies dictates I must build some rapport with the enemy before striking.-**

After Souta found the book, he spent some time reading the examples placed in the first chapter to see if he could come up with anything. He had to admit that the authors seemed to have spent some time in laying it all out before they published the book. But before he decided to take action, he checked the books disclaimer once more to consider it carefully.

It read: **'Keep in mind that this book, while meant to be an informative way to help you be rid of the jerk your sister's dating, is not guaranteed to work. It effects everyone differently and sometimes the maroon is simply to stubborn and stupid to get the hint. With that said, know that the tenth and final step will probably be your best bet in getting rid of the pest for good. However, if you do not follow the previous steps as listed, then chances are you will break your sisters heart.'**

"I can't let that happen, I don't want her to be sad when she dumps the idiot." Souta muttered before returning to the first chapter. Finally after spending some time in scheming and conniving, he opted to just start hanging out with his sister when Inuyasha was present.

It was hard because the fish face barely registered his presence, since he was always trying to get Kagome to make out with him. But one day, a week after finding the book, he found his opening.

Inuyasha had stopped by to spend some time with Kagome before telling her he needed to get to the dojo to practice, and that was when Souta pounced.

"Hey, can I come with you?" He asked. "I've been practicing my forms, and this way we can get to know each other."

Inuyasha looked like he was about to refuse, until Kagome spoke up.

"I think that's a great idea! You could give him some pointers, couldn't you Inuyasha?" She asked sweetly.

"Keh." He snorted while puffing up his chest. "Sure doll, I guess I could do that."

"Great, thank you." She grinned before planting a kiss on his cheek. "You're the best."

' _Oh please.'_ Souta snorted in his mind while Inuyasha basked in the praise his sister had bestowed upon him. ' _Come on Souta, stick to the plan. You have to stick to the plan!'_

Pep talk done, he grabbed his gear then scampered off after the ditch pig since he'd already left the house and was halfway down the stairs. He was out of breath by the time he caught up to him, but he reminded himself to play it cool.

"So how'd you meet my sister?" He asked as nonchalantly as he could.

"We have a couple classes together." He shrugged. "You sure you wanna do this? I ain't gonna take it easy on you just because you're my girls kid brother."

"I'm tougher than I look." He puffed out his chest.

Inuyasha laughed and slapped him on the back, nearly bowling him over while succeeding in knocking the wind out of him. "If you say so kid."

' _Just stick to the plan. Stick. To. The. Plan.'_ He couldn't help but think he was going to be reminding himself that a lot while he carried out the operation. But if it worked in getting Kagome to dump the gasbag, then it was worth it.

Bearing that in mind, Souta started asking him all kinds of questions, such as what his likes and dislikes were among other things. And while Inuyasha's answers were short, he was still managing to learn just what it was that made the numb nuts tick.

When they got to the dojo they changed into their practice clothes and grabbed their bokken, then headed for the floor. Once they'd warmed up, Inuyasha finally turned to face off against him.

"You ready to have your ass handed to you?" He grinned crookedly.

"Bring it on, tough guy." Souta challenged while dropping into a defensive stance.

"Keh, you asked for it." He snorted before darting forward.

Souta didn't even know what hit him and even though he found himself flat on his back while staring at the ceiling, he still couldn't figure it out. Finally he got his lungs working properly then propped himself up on his elbow.

"Wow you're really fast, I didn't even see you move."

"That's cuz I'm a ninja, kid." He preened while resting his bokken on his shoulder. "Silent but deadly."

By that time Souta had climbed to his feet, and at the last pronouncement he looked up at the hanyou and quirked a brow. "Kind of like a fart?"

Inuyasha froze, then deadpanned. "Yeah kid, exactly like a fart."

Once again he found himself flat on his back thanks to the ragmuncher, and when he blinked, he found he was now towering over him.

"A fart with a sword." With that he wandered off to join his buddies who'd been watching the whole thing.

Souta shook his head and picked himself up once more. "Humph, a tiny, flaccid sword." He grumbled under his breath, before retreating to the locker rooms to get cleaned up. His wounded pride wouldn't let him go back out there to let the tool make an even bigger fool of him, and besides there was no point to it.

He'd just finished changing his clothes when he heard Inuyasha's voice echo down the hall, signaling he was coming. He quickly darted a glance around until he came across a laundry bin; so he shoved his stuff into the locker and slammed it shut, then leapt into the cart.

"Keh it's only a matter of time before I get into her pants. She's got it bad for me." Inuyasha boasted as he and his friends sauntered into the locker room.

"I don't know Inuyasha, Kagome doesn't strike me as the type to put out before marriage." Miroku said dubiously.

"Well she might not be… yet." He grinned.

"How about we place a wager on the outcome?" Bankotsu suggested. "Fifty bucks says you don't get into her pants before winter break."

"And fifty says I do." Inuyasha said.

"Deal."

Once they shook hands the three stripped off their clothes and wrapped towels around their waists before slipping into the sauna. Souta slowly peered over the edge to find they'd left the door open a crack. He leaned to the side a bit to find none of them were paying any attention, so slowly wheeled himself closer until he could hear everything they were saying.

"Nah I ain't worried about it, Kikyou goes to a different school and I only see her like twice a month." Inuyasha shrugged.

"Still man, two ladies at once? You'd better hope they never happen to run into each other." Bankotsu warned.

"What do you take me for, some kind of idiot?" He huffed. "I always meet Kikyou on the opposite side of town, so there's no chance of that happening."

"Well it seems as if you've got it all figured out." Miroku mused. "And despite the fact having two women would prove entertaining, Sango would kill me. Besides, she's more than enough woman for me."

"What the hell are you talking about Monk?" Bankotsu teased. "She can hardly stand to look at you, so forget getting her to sleep with you."

"It's only a matter of time before I wear her down." He grinned.

Inuyasha snorted then laughed. "How about you try pouring a bucket of glitter over your head then stand in the sunlight? I hear chicks dig that."

Souta tightened his grip on the lip of the cart as his eyes narrowed. ' _Jerk.'_

It took everything he had to stay put as Inuyasha went into telling them about the night they'd gone to Twilight and to make it worse, Kagome had told Inuyasha that he'd actually tried it. It rankled when they started laughing at his expense, but he knew that if he burst in there to give them a piece of his mind then the plan would be ruined.

' _Just stick to the plan and you will have your revenge.'_ He cackled evilly in the dark recesses of his mind.

After that they moved onto other topics that didn't pertain to his plan, so Souta hunched down in the bin to wait until they got out since they'd spot him if he tried to crawl out now.

It seemed to take forever and he must have fallen asleep only to jolt awake as the door swung open and Inuyasha emerged. What happened next would scar the poor boy for the rest of his life, and once it was done, he vowed to never speak a word of it to anyone.

Inuyasha was the first to pull his towel off before carelessly tossing it into the bin that was his hiding place, and of course it had to land right on his head.

In no time at all the other two towels joined the first, as well as many more that Souta had been unaware of because he'd missed the arrival of the other dojo members.

Now, a man can always handle his own musk, no matter how funky it may be. But the funk of another male invading ones senses is a crime against the natural order of maleness. As the sour, pungent smell of ripe hanyou wormed its way into the young boys nasal cavities, stormed his sinuses and assaulted his brain, Souta had to fight the urge to jump out of his hiding spot and run for the nearest shower. It occurred to him, just as he was about to leap out of his foul prison, that he would probably have to explain at some point what it was he was doing in the laundry cart in the first place. That conversation could turn out to be equally as unpleasant as the many stanktastic towels that continued to pile atop his body. He was too far into this already to back out, and running could blow everything. So he had no other choice but to wait until the other boys left.

He tried going to his happy place, but the smells penetrated even his most defensive subliminal walls. So, the helpless boy settled for screaming as loud as his inner self could scream, while running in mad circles around the cerebral vault of his mind.

After what seemed like an eternity, the last towel dropped. Soon they would leave. Soon he would be free! He could do this, he could! There would be no death defying battle, just the heinous fumes. And it was almost over. Just a few...more...

"These towels are falling out of the bin yo. Hachi told us he'd ban us from the locker room if we left them laying around again." Inuyasha said with a slight frown.

"No problem my friend. Nothing a little shove won't fix." Miroku replied.

He put his hands on the top of the reeking mass and settled the entirety of his weight upon it, forcing the damp heap into the already packed basket. The breath whooshed from Souta's lungs as he was crushed under the pressure. He was forced to suck in a large gulp of vile man-ass miasma, which caused him to choke uncontrollably and the only available material to muffle the sound, were the despicable towels causing him to retch in the first place.

Souta concluded he must have passed out sometime shortly after that. He was startled awake much later when a fat raccoon-dog dumped him unceremoniously into an industrial sized washing machine. Ignoring the bewildered look on the youkai's pudgy face, Souta ran like he had never run before, straight to his home and his own shower. He would explain the smell on his clothing to his mother in the morning.

…

Deciding he needed to take it to the next level to get this over and done with, Souta began to put his super secret agent spy kit together. After all, he had no intentions of revisiting the horrors he'd previously been subjected to or the uncomfortable questions from his mother that followed.

The kit consisted of a notepad and pen to take notes, a camera just in case he needed to get some incriminating evidence, several disguises to keep himself from being detected (the palm tree hat was his favorite next to the large glasses, nose, and mustache), a tape recorder, and just to be on the safe side- a pair of goggles and a surgical mask (his mother refused to let him get a gas mask because they were to expensive).

Last, but by no means least, Souta tucked the book into the backpack as well, knowing he would need it often. Once it was done, he looked around to make sure he wasn't missing anything before an idea sprang to mind.

"I need a theme song." He lit up before scurrying over to the laptop his mother had gotten him for getting straight A's.

As soon as YouTube was up, he started searching for a cool song to set as his theme song. It took a bit of time because there were so many and when he finally found the right one, his brow was beaded with sweat. Hey finding the perfect theme was arduous work and it _had_ to be perfect.

In no time at all 'Secret Agent Man' by Johnny Rivers was blaring through his speakers, and Souta couldn't help but hop onto his bed as he started dancing.

Soon he was so wrapped up in getting down with his bad self, that he forgot his door was open. So when Kagome paused to peer in on her way to her room, he completely missed her bewildered look.

Kagome bit her lip to keep from laughing as he started walking like an Egyptian across the length of his bed, before he popped into the sprinkler while singing along with the lyrics. ' _Little brothers are so weird!'_ She thought before hightailing it out of there to laugh without alerting him to the fact he'd been caught.

Once he was sure he had his manly dance down and the song had ended, he grabbed his phone and immediately downloaded the ringtone, setting it for everyone that called. With preparations complete, he decided to head for the kitchen. Spying and scheming was demanding work and he knew he'd need all the fuel he could get.

He'd only just finished stuffing his face when the doorbell rang, prompting Kagome to thunder down the stairs to answer it, revealing the baboon butt on the other side. Swallowing the last bite whole, he slinked his way to the living room to see if he might catch anything that would help him get rid of the hanyou.

They ended up watching Arachnophobia and it was then that Souta discovered a priceless bit of information concerning the hanyou and his fears. All sorts of ideas began springing to mind, but before he decided to act upon them, he opted to consult the book to see when he should put one of them into play.

The second chapter turned out to be exactly what he needed, but before deciding to go down the path of no return, Souta decided he'd try to reason with his sister. So he waited until the sleaze ball left then approached her as she was on her way to her room.

"Hey sis can I talk to you for a moment?" He asked.

She paused and quirked a brow then smiled. "Sure Souta, come on."

Once they were in her room, he fidgeted while gingerly taking a seat on her bed.

"So what's going on?" She asked curiously while rearranging her books on her desk.

"I wanted to talk to you about Inuyasha." He finally said.

"What about him?" She finally turned to face him then crossed her arms over her chest, and he just knew she was getting ready to go on the defensive.

"He's a douche bag Kagome!" He exclaimed explosively. "I overheard him and his buddies talking at the dojo, and he was talking about dating another girl on the side. He said he meets up with her on the other side of town and her name is Kik… no Kink… no Kiki-ho or something like that."

He looked up to find she was gaping at him and just when he opened his mouth to add the rest, her look of shock was replaced with anger. And Kagome angry was never a good thing, her temper bordered on epic proportions of terrifying.

"Now you listen here, I'll not have you saying such things about Inuyasha. Do you hear me?"

"But sis-"

"No Souta, just stop. I don't care if you don't like him, but is that any reason to lie to me about him? Inuyasha would never cheat on me, he's not that type of guy."

"He's exactly that type of guy!" He exclaimed then gulped as her eyes narrowed.

"No. He. Is. Not. Now go away, I don't want to hear anymore of this crap." She pointed at the door.

He couldn't help but hang his head as he shuffled out of her room, his intention hadn't been to piss her off, but to get her to see the light of day. ' _That does it then, I guess I have no choice but to continue with the plan. Just you wait sis, I'll show you just how much of a slut puppy that stupid Inu-trasha is.'_

…

The next day he wasted no time in hopping on his bike to get to the university. He wanted the next stage of his plan to be perfect and in order to do that, he needed to gain more information concerning his target.

It was a good thing he'd put the spy kit together because it all came in handy, especially the palm tree hat (it was literally a baseball bat with a fake palm tree attached to the top). With that he could sneak around anywhere there was foliage, and while the type of tree was out of place, no one really seemed to notice.

Granted he couldn't spend all his time following Inuyasha around, he used what opportunities were given to him to the fullest. Thanks to that, he managed to discover where he lived and also found a lot of the places the hanyou liked to hang out.

Last but not least, he managed to catch him in the act of hanging out with the other girl whose name turned out to be Kikyou. He took all kinds of pictures and even spent some time following her around to see if she knew what was going on with the halfwit.

It turned out that she was just as clueless as his sister, but there was something kind of creepy about her, so he didn't bother with attempting to let the cat out of the bag where she was concerned.

By the time he was sure he knew all the important details pertaining to the poo-plucker, fall was well on its way and he once more turned his focus to the book. He read and reread chapter two until he knew it by heart, and only then did he get started on putting Phase Two into place.


End file.
